I still remember that morning when everything changed. Standing in my bedroom, my husband had come in to let me know that he was headed out to Home Depot. I stared at him for a while and with hormones and emotions swirling inside me, I opened my mouth and screamed at him “I f#@king hate you“. A far cry from the calm & patient person I used to be. That was my wake-up call.
Motherhood had consumed me like a tidal wave – beautiful and overwhelming all at once. Between the midnight feedings, endless diaper changes, and the constant juggling of everyone’s needs, I’d lost myself somewhere along the way. My daily uniform had become a shirt with spit up stains and greasy hair that hadn’t seen a shower in days. My once-beloved independence had been stripped away as I now had a whole person to care for around the clock.
Here are the transformative lessons I’ve learned from finally making myself a priority:
1. You Shouldn’t Pour from an Empty Cup
The day I snapped at my husband for – something he felt he needed to do – was the day this lesson hit home. My voice, breaking with sadness and exhaustion, made his eyes water, and my heart shattered. After he left, I sat myself in the bathroom and cried. It wasn’t just about his freedom; it was about running on empty for so long that even small bumps felt like mountains. Now, my morning ritual includes 15 minutes of solitude with my coffee still hot, watching the sunrise paint the sky. Those precious moments ground me for the chaos ahead.
2. Self-Care Looks Different for Everyone
The truth is, what works for me, may not work for you. But that’s okay! That’s part of us being the unique individuals we are. I invite you to celebrate the self-care activities that make you happy. I love an uninterrupted nap and binge-watching anything that Shonda Rhimes creates. What matters is that it fills your tank—not what it looks like to others.
3. Boundaries Are Key
Before kids, I would say yes to any and everything at work. I had a goal to climb the corporate ladder and become “successful” in the world of finance. It wasn’t until I had kids that I realized how difficult that would be to burn at both ends. Saying “no” became a regular occurrence after maternity leave, because it was impossible to do all the things and it was getting me closer and closer to burnout by trying to. But I’ve learned that setting boundaries—like saying no to overcommitting or carving out non-negotiable alone time—is one of the greatest acts of self-care. And guess what? The world keeps turning.
4. It’s Okay to Ask for Help
This was a tough one for me. Asking for help felt incredibly vulnerable — What if I asked and they said no? —- Well I will tell you what would happen, you still wouldn’t get the help you are looking for… So as scary as it was to ask, I learned that if I didn’t the answer was always “no” instead of just sometimes. It’s 2024 and our villages are small, so if you have support to lean on, please do. It makes a whole world of difference if you can call a friend or family member for back up on tough days.
5. Self-Care Isn’t a One-Time Fix
For my first birthday post maternity leave, I treated myself to a full day at the spa, I got a facial, a pedicure and a massage. It was magical. But it only took 2 hours of being at home to make all that pampering feel like a distant memory. And that’s because we can’t spend our days waiting for the “big” day that we will finally have time for self-care. I had to reframe self-care as a daily practice. Small, consistent actions—like working on a craft, staying hydrated and getting a coffee with a friend—adds up to a healthier, happier me.
6. Mom Guilt Never Fully Goes Away—But It Gets Easier to Manage
Mom guilt is sneaky. Knowing full well that you need a break—and not necessarily from the kids, sometimes from the mental load—but feeling guilty that your kids will miss you while you are “gone”. But here’s the thing, when I felt I needed a break and didn’t take it, that’s when I snapped. And my kids don’t deserve that and honestly I don’t deserve to be overstimulated and put into that scenario. Taking care of myself is also taking care of them. A fulfilled, rested mom can love and lead better than a depleted one.
7. Your Kids Are Watching
One of the most surprising lessons? My self-care is teaching my kids valuable life lessons. They see me asking my partner for help, they see me saying no when I have too much on my plate and they see my embracing my hobbies—and they have embraced them too 🥰 —that bring me joy. By doing this, I’m modeling the importance of balance and self-respect.
8. You Deserve Joy, Not Just Survival
I was 5 months postpartum with my firstborn when I came across a Cricut cutting machine online. I studied about it for months before I bought it, and it’s still one of my favourite investments to this day! I would spend evenings tinkering away on crafts and creating all sorts of projects. The joy of creating something, of expressing myself beyond my role as “Mom” had awakened a part of me that I thought I had lost forever.
Yesterday, my son caught me dancing in the kitchen while preparing dinner. Instead of feeling embarrassed, I grabbed his hands and spun him around. We laughed and laughed and in that moment, I realized something profound: self-care isn’t just about surviving motherhood – it’s about showing our children what it means to live fully, joyfully, and authentically.
If you’re reading this from your own messy kitchen, perhaps with a cold cup of coffee and the weight of endless responsibilities on your shoulders, consider this your permission slip to pause. To breathe. To remember the woman you were before you became “Mom” – she’s still there, and she deserves your attention too.
The Balanced Mom
So tell me, what small act of joy will you reclaim today? Maybe it’s dusting off an old hobby, calling a friend without multitasking, or simply sitting in your car for five extra minutes after school pickup, enjoying the quiet. Whatever it is, know that you’re not just caring for yourself – you’re showing your children what self-love looks like in action.
Let’s inspire each other to thrive in this beautiful, messy, extraordinary journey of motherhood. Share your story below – what’s one way you’ve learned to fill your own cup?
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