When’s the last time someone asked you what you need right now in this moment?
Not what your kids need. Not what your partner needs. Not what your job demands or what your endless to-do list screams for attention. Just you. What do you need?
This week I found myself at that familiar breaking point, you know the one. Where you’ve been βonβ for so long that you can’t remember what it feels like to be anything other than tired. Where the mental load feels heavier than your actual groceries, and you’re managing everyone else’s emotions while shoving your own down deep.
I was reaching a boiling over point when I managed to stop and ask myself: what do I need right now in this moment? And the answer surprised me with its simplicity: I needed a good cry.
So I cried. Right there in my kitchen while my 4-year-old watched Young Jedi for the third time that day. And you know what? It felt incredible to just release all that pent-up emotion. More importantly, it opened up a conversation with my little one about how it’s okay to cry, and sometimes it’s because of frustration, not sadness.
The Permission We Never Give Ourselves
As millennial moms, we’re caught in this unique space where we’re supposed to be everything to everyone while maintaining our own identities. We grew up being told we could have it all, and now we’re living the reality of trying to do it all, often simultaneously, often perfectly, often while our own needs get pushed to the very bottom of the list.
We’re the generation that documents everything but rarely stops to actually experience it. We know all about self-care in theory (hello, skincare routines and meditation apps), but when was the last time you actually asked yourself what you needed in real time and then gave it to yourself without guilt?
The Small Moments Matter Most
Sometimes what we need isn’t a spa day or a girls’ trip (though those are lovely too). Sometimes it’s permission to:
Cry in the pantry because your preschooler had three meltdowns before 9 AM and you haven’t had coffee yet.
Order takeout again even though you had grand plans to meal prep on Sunday and it’s now Thursday and you’re still thinking about it.
Say no to that playdate, school volunteer opportunity, or family gathering because your bandwidth is at zero.
Sit in your car for five extra minutes after arriving home, just to have a moment of quiet.
Feel frustrated with motherhood without immediately following it up with guilt about feeling frustrated.
Ask for help without having to justify why you need it or provide a detailed manual of how everything should be done.
Teaching Our Kids About Real Emotions
When I cried in front of my son that day, I initially felt that familiar mom-guilt creeping in. Shouldn’t I be stronger? Shouldn’t I have it more together? But then I realized what an opportunity this was.
Our kids need to see that adults have feelings too. They need to understand that emotions aren’t something to be ashamed of or hidden away. By naming my frustration and showing him that crying can be a healthy release, I was teaching him something no parenting book could: that all feelings are valid, even the messy ones.
We’re raising the next generation, and part of that responsibility is showing them what emotional honesty looks like. When we suppress our needs and emotions, we’re inadvertently teaching them to do the same.
The Millennial Mom Contradiction
We’re the most connected yet lonely generation of mothers. We have access to more parenting information than ever before, yet we second-guess ourselves constantly. We can video chat with our moms for advice, order groceries with a tap, and find community in online mom groups, but we still feel like we’re failing most days.
We want to be present for our children while also maintaining our careers, relationships, and sense of self. We want to give our kids everything we had and more, but we also want them to be grateful and not entitled. We want to break generational patterns while honoring what worked from our own upbringing.
It’s exhausting trying to be the “perfect” mom when perfect doesn’t actually exist.
What We Actually Need
Maybe what we need most is permission to be imperfect. To have days where we’re touched out, talked out, and completely over it. To acknowledge that loving our children fiercely doesn’t mean we have to love every moment of motherhood.
We need to normalize saying “I’m struggling today” without following it with solutions or apologies. We need to stop comparing our behind-the-scenes to everyone else’s highlight reel. We need to remember that being a good mom doesn’t mean being a martyr.
The Power of the Present Moment Check-In
So I’m asking you again: what do you need right now in this moment?
Maybe it’s:
- A hot cup of coffee that you actually finish
- Someone else to make dinner decisions
- A hug from your partner without having to ask
- Twenty minutes to read without interruption
- A friend who will listen without trying to fix everything
- Permission to change into pajamas at 4 PM
- A good laugh at something that isn’t kid-related
- Validation that you’re doing better than you think
You Don’t Have to Earn Your Worth
Millennial moms, we don’t have to earn our place at the table through exhaustion. We don’t have to prove our love through self-sacrifice. We don’t have to be everything to everyone at the expense of ourselves.
Your needs matter. Your feelings are valid. Your experience of motherhood β with all its joy and frustration and mundane moments β is exactly what it should be: yours.
A Small Revolution
What if we started a small revolution? What if we began checking in with ourselves the way we check in with everyone else? What if we normalized saying “I need a moment” without explaining why? What if we treated our own emotional needs with the same urgency we treat our children’s?
It doesn’t have to be big or Instagram-worthy. It can be as simple as asking yourself what you need and then *here’s the revolutionary part* actually giving it to yourself.
Because when we take care of ourselves, we’re not being selfish. We’re showing our children what it looks like to value yourself. We’re modeling healthy boundaries. We’re breaking the cycle that says mothers must disappear into martyrdom.
Your needs matter, mama. Right here, right now, in this moment.
So what do you need?
The Balanced Mom
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