Let’s talk about something that’s been sold to moms like it’s gospel: the idea that rest has to be earned.
You know the script.
✔ Finish the laundry.
✔ Make the snacks.
✔ Clean up the snack mess.
✔ Answer that email.
✔ Coordinate the playdate.
✔ Be patient, calm, organized, and… perfect?
Then — maybe — you can sit down.
That voice that says you have dishes to clean, why are you sitting on the couch reaching for the remote? I know it all too well. It’s the voice that has robbed me of countless moments of necessary rest.
I had a high energy day recently, running around with both boys in tow, trying to pick up things for an upcoming birthday party, get groceries, and I even took the boys out for breakfast. By the end of the day, I was physically and emotionally spent. My husband came in to snuggle that night and I pushed him away – I was finally getting time to myself in bed. That’s what happens when we push ourselves past our limits.
But what if I told you that rest isn’t a reward? It’s a requirement.
You’re not a machine, you’re a mother.
And that role? It comes with non-stop emotional labor that doesn’t show up on your to-do list. You carry the weight of everyone’s needs, moods, and schedules. You anticipate meltdowns before they happen. You make magic out of exhaustion. That’s a full-time invisible job.
For me, it’s constantly dealing with my 8-month-old’s separation anxiety whining, my 4-year-old’s meltdowns, and my husband’s not-so-great days at work. It’s hard to process all four of our emotional gauges at once, yet somehow that’s exactly what I’m expected to do, day after day.
And yet, when you sit down for five minutes, a voice whispers: You didn’t do enough to deserve this break. Sound familiar?
That voice is lying.
I remember a very busy week at work when I was trying so hard to get a promotion. I was staying late, coming in early, and completely ignoring my own needs. And you guessed it – I got hit with one of the worst colds of my life. What’s that saying? “Make time for rest or your body will make it for you.” I learned that lesson the hard way.
Rest isn’t lazy. It’s life-giving.
When we buy into the hustle-for-worthiness culture, we forget that burnout doesn’t just cost us — it impacts our families, too. A depleted mom can’t pour into anyone, no matter how much she loves them.
But a rested mom? She’s more present. She laughs more freely. She’s able to reconnect with herself — not just as “Mom,” but as a whole woman.
As a rested mom, one who can delegate tasks and uphold important boundaries, I’ve seen firsthand how my husband and I communicate more effectively. I’m more present when spending time with both my boys, and just all-around happier to have spread the load. Everyone benefits when I prioritize my wellbeing.
Let this be your permission slip:
You can rest even if there are dishes in the sink. You can rest even if your partner “seems more tired.” You can rest even if you didn’t check everything off the list.
You’re allowed to pause just because you’re human.
Here’s what rest looks like in real life:
- Locking the bathroom door for a 10-minute scroll session with no guilt.
- Asking your partner to take the kids out for an hour while you do nothing.
- Letting screen time happen so you can lie down.
- Saying “no” to that event because you just don’t have the energy.
I struggled for the longest time to leave my firstborn with my husband – not because I didn’t trust him, but because when my son cried, it felt like someone was taking a potato peeler to my skin. I could not listen to him cry for more than a few seconds before I would feel my body physically pulling toward him.
This got better as he got older, but then came other struggles. My husband would come to “see what mommy was doing” – a behavior that I had to point out was deeply unfair. If it was truly time for me, they wouldn’t “visit.” It was hard to uphold those boundaries, especially if I heard my husband struggling with the kids. But I knew that he had to learn, and I had to learn how to sit down and take that break.
These aren’t signs of failure — they’re survival strategies. They’re self-love in action.
Let’s redefine “enough.”
I had seen enough Instagram videos about motherhood, but Paige Connell was actually a pretty big breakthrough for me. Some of the things she was sharing about domestic labor and how uneven the child-minding and household tasks could be – I knew this was spot on for my situation, and I had to do something about it. Because deep down, I knew I deserved to rest!
You don’t have to earn rest. You just have to need it.
And mama, if you’re reading this — you probably do.
So take a deep breath. Close your eyes for a few seconds. Remind yourself: I am worthy of rest, exactly as I am.
No gold stars required.
P.S. Need help actually making time for rest? My free 3-Day Reset Guide is designed to help you carve out small, doable moments of peace — without guilt. [Grab it here.] 💜
The Balanced Mom
View comments
+ Leave a comment