Motherhood is full of surprises. One minute you’re winning at life, the next you’re cleaning crayon off the walls. When the unexpected happens, it’s easy to feel like the world is crashing down.
Just last week, I left my husband and eldest son while I ran some errands with my youngest. I returned to find them both sound asleep—a full two hours before bedtime. My heart sank. I knew exactly what this meant: a delayed bedtime, inevitable tears from an overtired child, and a long night ahead. What had been a perfectly good day suddenly felt derailed. I couldn’t help but shoot a few dirty looks in my husband’s direction while I tried to manage the situation with extra cuddles and support.
But with a few mindset shifts, you can face anything that comes your way. Here’s how to reframe the chaos and find your calm.
1. Pause and Breathe
Before you react, give yourself a moment. A deep breath won’t solve everything, but it can help you think clearly instead of spiraling.
Growing up, I was always reprimanded for making messes. But with my own children, I’ve created a different approach. When something spills—and something always spills—I take a deep breath first. Then we simply say “oops” and clean it up together. No drama, no shame.
I’ve learned that I’m most likely to yell when I’m overstimulated: my eldest running around yelling, my youngest whining, and my husband asking what I want for dinner—all at the same time. Having lost my cool a few times, I now recognize the warning signs. I’ll tell everyone, “There’s too much happening at once. I need to think from a place of stillness.” This simple phrase gives me the space I need to respond rather than react.
Ask yourself:
- Will this matter in a week?
- Is this an emergency or just an inconvenience?
Reframe: Instead of “Everything’s falling apart,” try “This is a tough moment, not a tough life.”
2. Focus on What You CAN Control
When things go sideways, it’s easy to feel powerless. But there’s always something you can do.
My youngest typically naps at 9am and 1pm. When those naps get disrupted, it’s not just his sleep that suffers—mine does too. After several exhausting nights following ruined naps, I realized I needed a better strategy.
Now I focus on what I can control. First, I try to extend the disrupted nap. If that doesn’t work, I start planning: How can I get additional rest tomorrow if tonight goes poorly? Can I call my mother-in-law to help? In desperate situations, would my husband be able to take a day off work? Having these contingency plans gives me back a sense of control.
Shift your focus to what’s within your control:
- Can you ask for help?
- Can you adjust your plan?
Reframe: Instead of “I can’t handle this,” try “I’ll take the next best step—one thing at a time.”
3. Find the Silver Lining
Even in the mess, there’s often something to be grateful for.
I was a highly sensitive child, and I still am as an adult. I didn’t recognize this same trait in my son when he was a baby, but now that he can communicate, the similarities are striking. He’s sensitive to loud sounds, just like I always was.
One day, his dad was making a smoothie, and the blender was clearly bothering our son. I immediately recognized his discomfort—the same discomfort I’d felt countless times. Without thinking, I covered his ears, and the relief on his face was immediate. It’s been incredibly healing to understand what he’s going through in a way my parents never could with me. This unexpected connection has become one of my greatest gifts as a mother.
Reframe: Instead of “This ruined everything,” try “This is a chance to practice resilience.”
4. Let Go of Perfection
Motherhood is messy, and that’s okay. Perfection isn’t the goal—being present is.
I used to fight so hard to keep naps precisely on schedule and had the bedtime routine down to an art. The more I tried to control these aspects of our day, the more frustrated I became when things inevitably went off track.
I’ve learned there are very few things in motherhood you can actually control, so it’s important to give yourself grace when plans don’t unfold as expected. Some of our sweetest moments have happened during those “off-schedule” times when I finally let go of how things “should” be.
Reframe: Instead of “I’m not doing enough,” try “I’m doing my best—and that’s enough.”
5. Make It a Memory
One day, you’ll tell these stories and laugh. So, why not start now?
When my husband and son fell asleep at the wrong time, I could have stayed frustrated all evening. Instead, I took a picture of them snuggled up together—a memory I’ll cherish even though it came with a challenging evening afterward.
Shifting your mindset can transform chaos into a memory in the making.
Reframe: Instead of “This is too much,” try “This will be a funny story someday.”
Unexpected Happens
Motherhood may be unpredictable, but you’re stronger than you think. When the unexpected happens, I remind myself: “When plans change, I breathe, center myself, and remember that some of our most beautiful memories will come from moments we never saw coming.”
I’ve gotten much better at rolling with the unexpected, though it’s still normal to feel disappointment when missing out on things I was looking forward to. It’s important to acknowledge that disappointment and even grieve it a little. But understanding that this time is precious and that being there for my children when needed matters most has transformed how I approach the chaos.
I wish someone had told me earlier that you can still be a good parent even when things go wrong. Perfect parenting isn’t the goal—connected parenting is.
You’ve got this, mama.
The Balanced Mom
P.S.
Want more mindset shifts and mom-life support? Join The Balanced Community today for weekly resources, expert advice, and a tribe that gets it. Having a community has been a huge help in my motherhood journey. Talking to other moms, hearing their stories, and receiving their support has been incredibly reassuring.
When I was a new mom, I didn’t have a strong community to ask questions, commiserate with, or just have those genuine conversations that only other mothers can truly understand. Now that I’ve found my village, motherhood feels lighter—like a weight has been lifted. Things feel easier to tackle when you have other moms in your corner who truly get it.
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