I saw a post recently that really bothered me. It declared self-care a privilege, suggesting that busy moms like us simply don’t have the luxury of taking care of ourselves. As a mom of two boys under five, juggling household management and running two businesses, I need to push back on this narrative.
Self-care isn’t a privilege. It’s a choice about how we use the pockets of time we already have.
The Self-Care Industrial Complex Has Failed Us
Somewhere along the way, self-care got hijacked. What started as a simple concept—taking care of your basic needs—morphed into an industry selling us elaborate solutions. Ten-step skincare routines. Hour-long massage appointments. Expensive gym memberships. Weekend retreats.
The message became clear: if you’re not investing significant time and money, you’re not really doing self-care.
This redefinition did us no favors. It created an all-or-nothing mentality that left many of us feeling like failures before we even started. When self-care requires a babysitter, a budget line item, and a two-hour time block, it starts to feel impossible.
But here’s what I’ve learned: real self-care doesn’t require any of that.
The 20-Minute Reality Check
On any given day, yes, even the chaotic ones where someone has a meltdown at IKEA and you find Goldfish crackers in your coat pocket, I can find 20 minutes for myself. Sometimes it’s 20 consecutive minutes. More often, it’s four five-minute segments scattered throughout the day.
This isn’t because I have exceptional time management skills or a magical schedule. It’s because I stopped waiting for the perfect self-care moment and started recognizing the imperfect ones that were already there.
Those 20 minutes might look like:
- Five minutes of deep breathing while my coffee brews
- Ten minutes of stretching while the kids watch their morning show
- Five minutes journaling before bed
It’s not Instagram-worthy. It doesn’t involve any products. But it works.
What We’re Really Missing
The original post I saw made a valid point about systemic issues, people unable to take necessary time off work to grieve, recover, or heal. These are real problems that deserve attention and advocacy.
But conflating these legitimate policy concerns with daily self-care creates a false narrative. It suggests that because we can’t take two weeks off whenever we need them, we might as well give up on taking care of ourselves altogether.
This thinking doesn’t serve us. In fact, it keeps us stuck in cycles of depletion and resentment.
The Doom Scroll Trap
Here’s the uncomfortable truth: many of us do have small pockets of time throughout the day. The question is how we’re using them.
If you can scroll Instagram for fifteen minutes, you have fifteen minutes for self-care. If you can watch TikTok videos while your kids eat lunch, you have time to do some neck rolls or practice gratitude instead.
I’m not shaming anyone for needing mental breaks or entertainment. But let’s be honest about where our time actually goes. That mindless scrolling that leaves us feeling more drained than before? That’s not rest. That’s digital junk food.
Micro Self-Care That Actually Works
Real self-care for busy moms often happens in micro-moments:
Body care: Drinking water throughout the day. Taking three deep breaths. Stretching your neck while dinner cooks. Applying hand lotion mindfully.
Mental care: Writing down three things you’re grateful for. Listening to one song that makes you feel good. Stepping outside for fresh air.
Emotional care: Calling a friend during school pickup. Saying no to one thing that drains you. Celebrating small wins.
Spiritual care: Watching the sunrise with your coffee. Pausing to notice something beautiful. Reflecting on your values for two minutes.
None of these require products, appointments, or childcare. They just require intention.
Redefining What Counts
We need to expand our definition of self-care beyond spa days and shopping trips. Sometimes self-care is meal prepping on Sunday so you’re not scrambling all week. Sometimes it’s going to bed thirty minutes earlier. Sometimes it’s asking for help instead of martyring yourself.
Self-care is also setting boundaries with family members who expect you to handle everything. It’s saying no to the committee position you don’t have bandwidth for. It’s choosing the easier dinner option without guilt.
These aren’t glamorous choices, but they’re acts of self-preservation that compound over time.
The Privilege Conversation We Should Be Having
Instead of declaring self-care a privilege, let’s have honest conversations about the real barriers many parents face:
- Lack of affordable childcare
- Inflexible work schedules
- Financial constraints that make stress management harder
- Cultural messages that glorify maternal self-sacrifice
- Partners who don’t share domestic load equally
These are systemic issues worth addressing. But acknowledging them doesn’t mean we’re powerless to care for ourselves within our current circumstances.
Start Where You Are
If you’re reading this while hiding in your bathroom for five minutes of peace, congratulations, you’re already practicing self-care. If you chose to read something that might help you instead of doom-scrolling, that’s self-care too.
The goal isn’t to add another item to your impossible to-do list. It’s to recognize that caring for yourself doesn’t require permission, perfect circumstances, or a purchase. It requires the radical act of believing you deserve those small moments of attention and care.
Your kids need a mom who models self-respect and healthy boundaries. Your partner needs someone who isn’t running on empty. You need to remember that taking care of yourself isn’t selfish, it’s necessary.
The Bottom Line
Self-care isn’t a privilege reserved for women with nannies and unlimited budgets. It’s a practice available to anyone willing to protect small moments and use them intentionally.
Stop waiting for the perfect time, the right products, or permission from others. Start with five minutes today. Your future self will thank you.
And remember: you don’t need anyone else’s approval to take care of yourself. You just need to start.
The Balanced Mom
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