Before becoming a mother, I thought I understood what self-love meant. It was about positive self-talk, maintaining a cheerful outlook, and speaking kindly about myself. Little did I know that motherhood would completely transform my understanding of what it truly means to love and care for oneself.
Three weeks after giving birth, I found myself in an emotional whirlwind. There I was, completely devoted to this tiny human who depended on me for everything – their survival, comfort, and wellbeing. I loved this new bond fiercely, yet I struggled with the loss of independence that came with it. This internal conflict became my first lesson in real self-love: acknowledging that it’s okay to hold two opposing feelings at once, and that being honest about these feelings doesn’t make me a bad mother.
Looking back, I realize that before motherhood, I was terrible at taking care of myself. I was the quintessential people pleaser, always putting others’ needs before my own. I spread myself thin trying to be everything to everyone, except to myself. Motherhood stripped away this facade and forced me to confront an essential truth: I couldn’t keep giving and receiving nothing.
This realization led me to redefine self-love entirely. It wasn’t just about positive affirmations anymore – it became about setting firm boundaries, both with myself and others. It meant learning to say no to obligations that drained my energy. It meant accepting that I couldn’t do everything perfectly, and that was okay. Most importantly, it meant understanding that taking care of myself wasn’t selfish – it was necessary.
Today, my self-love practice looks very different. It’s built on daily rituals that ground me: journaling to process my emotions, carving out dedicated me-time, and consciously putting myself first when needed. I’ve learned to build a support system of fellow mothers who understand this journey, who cheer me on when I prioritize my wellbeing, and who remind me that I’m not alone in this continuous balancing act.
Therapy has become another cornerstone of my self-love journey. It’s given me the tools to grow personally while navigating the challenges of motherhood. Through these sessions, I’ve learned that self-love isn’t just about the big gestures – it’s in the small, daily choices we make to honor our needs and limitations.
To other mothers who might be struggling with prioritizing themselves, I want to say this: You are the primary caretaker, the nurturer, the one holding everything together. If you consistently put yourself last, eventually there won’t be enough of you left to give. Taking care of yourself isn’t separate from taking care of your children – it’s an essential part of it.
Motherhood didn’t just change my perspective on self-love; it revolutionized it. It taught me that true self-love isn’t about maintaining a perfect image or always feeling positive. It’s about showing up for yourself with the same grace, patience, and understanding that you show your children. It’s about recognizing that you deserve the same level of care and attention that you give to others.
The journey continues, and every day brings new lessons in balance and self-compassion. But now I know that by taking care of myself, I’m not just investing in my own wellbeing – I’m modeling for my children what it means to love oneself truly and completely.
The Balanced Mom
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