There I was, standing in HomeSense’s home décor section, completely frozen. I had a rare hour to myself and a gift card burning a hole in my pocket. Yet instead of feeling excited about this small slice of freedom, I felt overwhelmed. What did I even like anymore? When was the last time I made a decision that wasn’t influenced by tiny humans?
If you’ve ever found yourself in a similar situation – whether it’s forgetting your favorite hobby or realizing you haven’t listened to your own music in months – you’re not alone. The identity shift that comes with motherhood is real, and while it’s beautiful, it can also be disorienting.
The Great Disappearing Act
Motherhood has a way of consuming us entirely. One day you’re confidently pursuing your passions, and the next, you’re deep in the trenches of motherhood, barely remembering the last time you had bodily autonomy. Your identity becomes wrapped up in feeding schedules, diaper changes, nap schedules and bedtime routines.
Don’t get me wrong – being a mother is an incredible gift. But somewhere between the midnight feedings and the endless loads of laundry, many of us lose touch with the woman we were before we earned the title “Mom.”
Why Maintaining Your Identity Matters
Here’s the truth: being “just a mom” isn’t enough – not because motherhood isn’t valuable, but because you are a multifaceted human being with dreams, desires, and interests that deserve attention. The benefits when we maintain our sense of self:
- Our children learn that women are whole people with interests and passions
- We model healthy boundaries and self-respect
- We bring more energy and joy to our parenting
- We create a sustainable approach to motherhood that prevents burnout
Starting the Journey Back to You
1. Remember Who You Were
Take a moment to reflect on your pre-mom interests. What made you light up? What conversations got you excited? These parts of you haven’t disappeared; they’re just waiting to be rediscovered.
2. Start Small
You don’t need to sign up for a weekend retreat (though if you can, go for it!). Start with tiny steps:
- Choose one song you love during drop offs
- Read a non-parenting book for 10 minutes before bed
- Wear an outfit that makes you feel like YOU
3. Create Protected Time
Your identity needs space to breathe. Work with your partner or support system to create pockets of time that are just for you. Even 30 minutes can be transformative when it’s truly yours. The best part about scheduling your time is it takes away the dreaded decision fatigue of what you will do with it!
4. Embrace the Evolution
You’re not trying to go backward – you’re creating a new version of yourself that encompasses both who you were and who you’ve become through motherhood. This evolved identity is something to celebrate 🎉 The powerhouse woman you are becoming, the things we moms can accomplish is nothing short of amazing. I cannot wait for you to find her and harness her drive and resilience.
Moving Forward
Remember the HomeSense story? I eventually bought a laundry bin and a journal. They weren’t life-changing purchases, but they were choices I made just for me. That tiny step led to more – rediscovering my love for writing, starting this blog, and eventually creating space in my life for both motherhood and personal growth.
Your journey back to yourself might look different, but it matters. You matter. Not just as a mother, but as the complex, interesting, whole person you are.
The Balanced Mom
Ready to dive deeper into rediscovering yourself? Download my free guide “3 Day Reset Guide: Simple Steps to Reclaim Your Time & Energy” where we’ll explore your evolving identity beyond “Mom”.
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